Love with a Limp

LOVE WITH A LIMP

Choosing Christlike love when you’ve been wounded.

The Tension Between Pain and Obedience

Wounds from love lost, love betrayed, or love denied can leave emotional scars as devastating as the physical injuries sustained by courageous soldiers on a battlefield. Though unseen, these wounds alter how we move, trust, and engage—causing us to limp forward with caution, guarding what we once freely gave.

While most physical wounds receive immediate attention—stitches, wheelchairs, prosthetics, surgeries—emotional wounds often go unaddressed. Left unattended, these injuries can become silent predators, seeking to kill, steal, and destroy our joy, patience, peace, gentleness, and self-control. The scars formed by ill love rarely remain contained, the past carnage seeping into current and new relationships and family dynamics.

Over time, God’s image bearers learn to erect emotionally-fortified walls around their hearts—the very space from which God desires to operate.

I have personal experience with betrayal and broken trust, so much so that at one point years ago, I determined to never let myself love again. Thankfully and because of God’s grace, I didn’t stick with this self-promise. I’ve been in love with the man I married for thirty-seven years now thanks to God’s persistence to replace my hardened heart with a softer version (Ezekiel 36:26). But the declaration did some damage on other relationships and has had a hangover effect that keeps me struggling to walkout love the way Jesus did.

Emotional wounds have hampered the body of Christ in representing Christ and His sacrificial nature.

And it’s not only our own doing. While wise counsel has helped many survive pain, professional counselors with the best intentions have sometimes trained us to prioritize self-protection over the joy and the freedom of loving again.

Self-Preservation vs Love

It seems to me the act of self-preservation has become not a defensive move when we believe hurts are too heavy to bear, but a cultural obsession, emphasizing the love of self over the love of others.

The following Scripture speaks to the importance and the symbolism of Christians expressing love to others.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.  In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. – 1 John 4:7-12 (esv)

These bullet points show how excessive self-preservation can hinder us from reflecting Christ’s love.

• Guarded Hearts instead of Surrendered Hearts

We learn to protect ourselves from being hurt again, but over time, protection can replace trust, making love cautious rather than courageous (Prov. 4:23; 1 Cor. 13:7).

• Boundaries Become Walls

Healthy boundaries help us live peaceably, but fear can turn boundaries into barriers that keep others—and God’s work through them—at a distance.

• Red Flag Hyper-Vigilance

Discernment is good, yet constant scanning for harm can dull our ability to see goodness, repentance, or God’s redeeming work in people.

• Love Measured by Safety, Not Sacrifice

We begin asking, “Is this safe for me?” instead of “Is this loving and faithful?”—even though Christ models love that risks suffering (Phil. 2:5–8).

• Healing Defined as Emotional Comfort

Counseling language often emphasizes keeping our feelings regulated and untriggered, which can quietly replace the biblical call to be transformed through love, even when it costs us (John 15:12–13).

• Self-focus Disguised as Wisdom

Advice meant to help us recover can slowly train us to center on our own emotional experience, rather than fixing our eyes on following Christ’s examples and loving others (2 Cor. 5:15).

• Wrongly-Framed Avoidance

While emotional rest is necessary, avoiding relationships altogether can keep us from the refining joy that comes through loving imperfect people. (1 Peter 4:8)

• Delayed Forgiveness

Scripture calls us to forgive as an act of obedience, yet self-preservation can tell us to wait until all risk is removed (Eph. 4:32).

• Conditional Love

We may offer care only when reciprocity or appreciation is likely, rather than loving freely as we have been loved (Luke 6:32–35).

Loving Others When Wounded

Scripture does not leave us centered on our wounds. God’s Word urges us to live with deeper emotional purpose and maturity. “God is love” (1 John 4:8), and those who belong to Him are encouraged to reflect His nature to the world. Jesus tells His followers, “As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34). This is a love not rooted in self-preservation, but in self-giving obedience. This love is patient and kind, not because this love is unscarred, but because grace-filled love is formed by God Himself (1 Corinthians 13:4–7).

Redeeming Pain

In Psalm 34:18, the Lord promises to be near to the brokenhearted and to save those crushed in spirit. Christ sees our hurts and offers His healing and all-encompassing comfort, as described in 2 Corinthians 1:3–4. Scripture reminds us that receiving His comfort is never the end of the story—His love is meant to overflow. As God ministers to our wounds, we then are asked to carry that same comfort beyond ourselves and into the lives of others.

Scripture never minimizes pain. Through His Word, God has communicated that He works through emotional hurts for His glory and for our spiritual growth. He is attentive to every tear (Psalm 56:8) and compassionate toward our weakness (Hebrews 4:15). Yet the Lord does not waste what He allows. Through trials, He refines our faith like gold (1 Peter 1:6–7), produces perseverance and maturity within us (James 1:2–4), and shapes us more fully into the likeness of Christ (Romans 8:28–29). In God’s hands, suffering is never meaningless—our hurts become a place where His strength is revealed and our lives bear fruit.

Faith in Action

Extending love with emotional pain is an act of faith, not a feeling. Scripture reminds us that love is patient and kind, enduring and persevering even when costly (1 Corinthians 13:4–7). This kind of love does not wait for wounds to disappear or emotions to feel safe; it chooses radical obedience rooted in our trustworthy God. Likewise, the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—are not produced by our emotional strength, but by the Spirit’s work within us (Galatians 5:22–23). When we love despite pain, we declare our confidence in the truth that God is at work in us, shaping our hearts to reflect His own steadfast and faithful love.

Forgiveness Reveals Your Faith

Forgiveness and love walk hand in hand in the life of a believer. Scripture calls us to put away bitterness, rage, and malice. These emotions can conjure up false feelings of power or satisfaction which has no place in the mind of the believer. Instead, we are to forgive as we have been forgiven in Christ (Ephesians 4:31–32). When Peter asked Jesus how often he must forgive, the answer was not a numerical limit but a posture—we are to forgive again and again.

Forgiveness isn’t solely an act of obedience, but also a reflection of the cross. (Matthew 18:21–22). And forgiveness does not deny injustice or ignore pain but rather, forgiveness releases the right to repay, turning actions of recompense over to our Lord. Extending mercy is entrusting justice to God alone (Romans 12:19) and making space in your own heart for love to flow freely, trusting in God’s righteous care.

Until it Becomes Natural—Put Love On

Even in all these beautiful Scriptures emphasizing love, I confess I’ve struggled to forgive, let go of past hurts, and love those who’ve hurt me. For me, conjuring up warm feelings doesn’t come naturally. But in Paul’s letter to the Philippians, we’re guaranteed that it is God who works in us shaping us for His glory (Philippians 2:13). Our father is always working on us—fashioning you and me to reflect His nature.

God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. – 1 John 4:16

When hurt or confused by others, pure love is not an automatic emotional response for me. Neither can I try and summon pure love at will when my will is to return pain for pain. As the Scripture teaches, we’re a work in process so there’s practice and training involved to get me to the place where I naturally reflect God’s love. Take a look at these verses:

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. – Colossians 3:12-14 (esv)

Each day, I am invited to rise with intention and step into the character of Christ. When compassion, kindness, and patience don’t come naturally, I must decide to wear these attributes regardless of how I feel. This is not necessarily a fake it ‘til you make it philosophy, but it is a deliberate action we put into practice. By submitting my heart to the Lord daily, He reshapes my instincts, softens my responses, and teaches me to love beyond self-protection one surrender at a time. When I wake, I must decide to wear the image of Christ.

Putting on compassion, kindness, humility, patience, and love is much like getting dressed. Some days we step out confident and put together; other days we realize by 9:00 am, we left gentleness at home. The good news? God invites us to come back to Him as often as needed, choosing to dress in His attributes again. And again. And again.

Loving Wise

Loving others with our emotional pain means choosing gentleness in conversation, refusing to rehearse offenses, praying for those who wounded us, and setting healthy boundaries while remaining tenderhearted.

And we need to emphasize progress over perfection.

Setting healthy boundaries does not equate to shutting down love. Healthy boundaries are flexible margins guarding our hearts in a way that allows love to remain sincere but wise.

In Matthew 10:16, Jesus reminds us, “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” This beautifully illustrates the balance we are called to embody—living with gentle hearts while exercising discernment and wisdom in our interactions.

Establishing boundaries may involve speaking with kindness while steering clear of unhealthy dynamics or restricting someone’s involvement in life without harboring bitterness.

On a personal note, one of my children wrestled with drug addiction nearly destroying his life and emotionally affecting our entire family.  After years of failed interventions, we had to initiate tough love. We would offer love and counsel but would refuse quick rescue requests always assuring him of our commitment to his healthy living. We stopped offering easy ways out. When he finally made the choice to do the hard thing—enter a program and stick with it—we were there. Now our grown son has been drug and alcohol free for more than 2 years and is living a fruitful life to God’s glory. We are not resentful of those hard years but thankful for the opportunity to have been a part of God’s amazing grace.

But I had to remind myself over and again that boundaries are not cruel, just hard.

Boundaries may also mean stepping back from someone’s influence while still praying for their healing.  Or learning to say “no” without rehearsing offenses in our minds.

Christians are to place justice in God’s hands, releasing bitterness daily and asking the Spirit to help us remain tenderhearted rather than defensive. Growth in this area is often slow and uneven, but progress—not perfection—is evidence God is faithfully renewing our minds and placing grace in our hearts.

Take a look at what Paul wrote to the church members in Corinth:

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. – 2 Corinthians 10:3-6

These verses assure us that we absolutely can adjust our thinking to be more Christlike by refusing to let our minds fall into ungodly habits of criticism, negative thoughts, or keeping mental lists of offenses.

See True Identity

Seeing others as Jesus sees them requires a renewed vision—one not shaped by past offenses, but by the cross. Scripture tells us those in Christ are new creations, being renewed day by day (2 Corinthians 4:16; 5:17). When God looks at His children, He does not deny their brokenness, yet He sees them as covered by the blood of Christ—forgiven, redeemed, and in process. To see others this way is an act of faith, choosing to believe that the same grace still shaping you and me is also at work in others, even when evidence feels thin.

This perspective becomes especially difficult when dealing with people we struggle to like or trust, including fellow believers. Yet Jesus calls us to look beyond surface behavior and into eternal identity—to remember that each person standing before us is deeply loved by God (Philippians 1:6). Seeing others as Jesus sees them does not require us to excuse sin but invites us to engage with tenderness. As we learn to extend this grace outward, we often discover God is simultaneously softening our own hearts, teaching us to live not by sight, but by faith—and to love as those who are in the renewal process.

Obedience and God’s Promises

In the New Testament, Jesus frequently speaks of rewards in heaven, emphasizing their eternal nature. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus declares, “Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven” (Matthew 5:12). His words underscore the joy and fulfillment awaiting believers who endure persecution for righteousness’ sake. Jesus consistently redirects our focus from temporary comfort to eternal treasure, reminding us that obedience—especially when it is costly—is never unseen or forgotten by God (Matthew 6:19–21).

Loving when hurt, forgiving when wronged, and obeying when it is difficult are acts of faith that echo forward into eternity. Scripture assures us that “each one will receive his wages according to his labor” (1 Corinthians 3:8), not as earned merit, but as gracious reward from our faithful Father. When we choose love over self-protection and obedience over retaliation, we store up treasure that far outweighs momentary pain (2 Corinthians 4:16–18). One day, every quiet act of faithfulness will be revealed. In our eternal dwelling place, we will discover that nothing surrendered for Christ was ever lost—only transformed into everlasting joy.

Wrap up

Here is the good news about loving the unlovable: One day, we’ll stand in heaven and realize that every unseen choice to love, forgive, and obey mattered far more than we imagined. Until then, we keep walking—sometimes limping—trusting that God is shaping us into reflections of His love… even when we’re still very much a work in progress.

Gracious and patient Lord, I thank you for your work in our lives, fashioning each of us to reflect you to the unbelieving and broken world around us.  May we choose love today and every day as the love of many continues to grow cold.

If I perish, I perish,

Laurie

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